Chivalry vs. Hookup Culture
The concept of chivalry is one that people used to abide by, one that was commonplace, and one that was treated almost as the ordinary. In today’s day and age, chivalry seems to be swept under the rug. It has been replaced by a fast paced hookup culture that ignores traditional dating customs and instead puts importance on quickly getting into the bedroom. Guys no longer do the small things that traditional dating once dictated was necessary. Why do guys no longer do these things? The simple answer is they don’t have to.
It’s not like every college age kid today is simply looking for a hook up. There are many people of both sexes who seek relationships and romance, but it has become more and more difficult to find. In the hookup culture of today, guys and girls alike often opt to go for what seems easiest and quickest.
Guys and girls are both accountable for this newly created culture that puts such a strong emphasis on quick casual hookups and eliminates the need for chivalry and romance. As guys realize that they do not need to put in the same amount of effort that was once required in order to woo a girl, they simply do not try as hard. This culture has allowed them to put in minimal effort and still get the outcome that they were searching for.
Dating apps have also contributed to this trend as phone applications such as Tinder and OkCupid have allowed for people to hide behind a screen while attempting to solicit a response from the opposite gender. As chivalry becomes less commonplace and this nontraditional hookup cultures takes prevalence, a chain reaction of minimal effort has arisen, creating a system that I like to call the “Circle of Complacency.”
The Circle of Complacency
The Circle of Complacency is simply this: When girls who are actively seeking romance accept that guys are not going to put in the proper time and effort in getting to know them, they fall complacent in letting them get away with skipping the romance and chivalry and just going straight into a hookup. Many guys and girls alike actively seek out real relationships, but as millions of people have come to know: romance isn’t easy.
Developing a relationship and going on proper dates can be challenging and can lead to heartbreak and rejection. Rather than allowing themselves to get hurt and really go for what they want, both guys and girls have succumbed to taking the easy route and giving in to the hookup culture. Girls are tired of waiting for guys to treat them right and therefore lower their expectations of what guys should do on dates or in a social setting. They still want the romance and the chivalry, but they no longer expect it. This in turn creates a circular reaction in which guys then further believe that they can get away with doing things in those ways. As a result, guys fall into the circle where they believe even more that this is an acceptable way of dating.
Girls allowing guys to get away with this type of behavior helps to reinforce the idea that this is acceptable, thus further decreasing the amount and commonality of chivalry within our society. Guys have let the notion of romance fall away and have resorted to an easier method which does not require as much effort. By taking the easy way out, they may be able to protect themselves from rejection and pain, but they also further contribute to a breaking down of traditional dating methods.
How to Avoid
Here are a few rules for both guys and girls who are looking to avoid being sucked into the Circle.
Girls:
- If a guy isn’t willing to show you respect, he’s not worth your time
- Avoid dating apps such as Tinder and OkCupid. These apps can have a dangerous downside.
- Attempt to meet people in more conventional settings such as coffee shops or museums.
- Don’t settle for something just because it’s easier.
- Try to plan dates outside of the home/apartment. This encourages conversation and connection and decreases the assumption of hooking up.
Guys:
- Do the things that used to be commonplace: bring girls flowers, pick them up for dates, and take them to a nice dinner.
- Attempt to meet people via more conventional methods such as at museums, parks, or coffee shops.
- Seek out what you really want, rather than what is just simplest. Find someone who mirrors your interests and desires rather than just someone who happens to available.
- First dates should not be at someone’s place. This encourages quick hook-ups and decreases the need for romance.
- Avoid being physical before getting to know one another. It shows that you may only be interested in the physical rather than the emotional aspects of a relationship.
Romance will never be easy and effortless hookups will continue to have appeal, but for those looking to find what they really want it is imperative to avoid the Circle of Complacency. Stick to what you believe in and follow these tips and you will have a much better chance of avoiding falling into the circle and finding the chivalrous and caring partner you seek.
Comment below with your thoughts on the circle of complacency in today’s dating world.
Truer words were never said. As the parent of a 14 year old girl I will print this out and give it to her, she can stick it on her mirror. Thanks for reminding us all of what taking a little time can do versus just following the trends!