dating

Is Social Media Dating the New Way?

In today’s day in age, social media dating is the “new thing” to do. Don’t get me wrong, dating is already complicated enough but I can’t help but think: does online dating really work? There is a certain amount of stigma attached to online dating, like people only using it to hook up or you can’t really find a relationship on it. When did everything change? I miss the elementary school romance of  when a boy teased you, it meant he liked you. Or in middle school, passing notes to boys with yes or no boxes to see if he liked you.

Now its endless mind games, the constant uncertainty and especially the insecurity. We have all these new apps and technology to “put ourselves out there” but I can’t help but think that its more complicated than ever.

Is Social Media Dating the New Way?

Bumble, Tinder, and the Endless Apps

I have to admit, I’m a bit of a skeptic about if these apps really work. Call me old fashion but I don’t fully believe that you can base a connection on scrolling and swiping right on someone else’s pictures. I hate using these apps because we judge potential matches from only 6 pictures and 300 word descriptions. How can we choose someone through that limited amount of information given? I know what people say, its just part of the new generation but with all these apps out there, it can be overwhelming and tiresome. Why have people given up on old fashion way? If it was up to me, I would rather meet my significant other through real life than through virtual technology. I can’t be the only person who still feels like this.

What are your thoughts on social media dating? Comment below and let me know if you think these apps are more helpful or harmful!

Inexpensive Date Ideas

Dating can be stressful in itself. You have to get to know the person, let them get to know you and try to enjoy yourself all the while. So the question is, how do you accomplish these things and not break the bank? Most college students work jobs in order to pay rent or help with tuition and sometimes there isn’t much left over to have a social life. Here are some inexpensive date ideas to consider when you’re running low on cash during college.

Cooking Dinner

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Going out for dinner can be expensive in itself, but what if you want the quiet time together to just talk? Try finding a dish either one of you knows how to cook well. Cooking dinner together gives you time to get to know each other through talking and through each other’s actions. If its a dish only one of you knows, teach the other one and walk them through it. And after you’ve cooked your meal sit down and eat it together. This will definitely save you money and also prevents you from having to leave a tip which adds to the bill.

Movie and Game Night

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Playing board games and watching old movies can be a great way to hang out without a lot of pressure to spend any money. You dont have to get dressed up either! Each one of you should pick out your favorite movie that the other one hasn’t seen and watch them together. You can even play games, like cards or Scrabble, and talk during the movie. This way you can get to know each other if you don’t, or just spend time together without a lot of stress.

College/University Run Event

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Almost every college or university offers free events for students to attend throughout the year.  Whether it be an ice cream social or a free concert, there are generally several to choose from during the school year. Connect with your student activities board on social media or through their website and see if there are any upcoming events worth attending. Invite your current love interest and enjoy the free event! After all, college is expensive.  You should utilize these perks!

Dating doesn’t have to stress you out, or stress out your bank account. These are simple inexpensive date ideas. Try them out this semester and enjoy the extra cash in your pocket.

Comment your thoughts below and any other fun, inexpensive date ideas. Have fun!

Dating Someone Immature vs. Mature

Finding someone who you are compatible with is hard enough, but in today’s society it is often more important to find someone who is closer in emotional age rather than physical years. When analyzing someone’s age, many people focus purely on physical age. However, physical years are often not as important as the emotional age of a person. It is important to be able to differentiate between dating someone who is immature vs. mature. Simply reaching the age of 18 does not make you an adult. Rather, it is the way one carries themselves and how they interact with others that shows maturity. As far as dating and relationships are concerned, there are a couple major differences, which help to separate someone who is immature vs. mature.

Knowing How and When to Say Sorry

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It is human nature to make mistakes and to be wrong. In a healthy relationship, it is of vital importance to know when you have messed up or done something wrong and to apologize or make amends for it. Mature individuals have the ability to understand when they have done something that has affected their partner negatively. They also have the capability to not only understand what they have done wrong, but apologize in a sincere and meaningful way. Saying “I’m sorry” and really meaning it is instrumental in fixing and maintaining a strong adult relationship. In contrast, immature individuals struggle to understand when they have done something wrong to upset their significant other.  And even if they do realize, they often fail to make proper amends for it.  Their cognition of what the problem may be is often weaker and thus they do not understand the proper way to fix the issue at hand.

Selfishness vs Selflessness

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Since the beginning of mankind, humans have struggled with the battle of selfishness versus selflessness. It is important to have some of each, as one with complete selflessness often sacrifices their own happiness to please others, whereas one with complete selfishness cannot find a connection to someone else’s happiness.  The main difference between immature individuals and mature individuals is that mature individuals fall more towards the selflessness end of the spectrum. Whereas immature individuals often put themselves first and seek their own happiness, mature individuals are able to derive happiness from the joy of others. Although not always, the ability to make someone else happy helps to fulfill mature individuals needs and enhances interconnectedness. Furthermore, a mature individual is often willing to go out of their way in order to make their partner happy.  This lies in sharp contrast to immature individuals, who often act selfishly to fulfill their own needs.

Comfort with Oneself

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No matter what anyone says, deep down everyone has insecurities. Whether it be about appearance, abilities, or any other subject, everyone has something about themselves that they do not like.  Immature and mature individuals alike find fault with themselves. However, it is how they perceive their own faults and the degree to which they see them that separates them.  Part of growing up is learning what you excel at, and what you struggle with. It is about learning how to leverage your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses. Immature individuals are prone to focusing on their weaknesses whereas mature individuals slowly work on their weaknesses and focus on what makes them great rather than what they lack.  Body image is one major component of comfortability with oneself. Immature individuals stress a great deal about what others think of their appearance and will stress and work endlessly to improve themselves in the eyes of their partners or others.  Mature individuals also may struggle with body image but they are usually more concerned with how they see themselves rather than how others do. Whereas immature individuals change and work to improve themselves for others, mature individuals do it to improve their self-image and how they feel about themselves.

Commitment Issues

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Not everyone is looking for a long term relationship and that is perfectly fine. However, at some point in an adult relationship, the topic of commitment is going to be broached. When it is, it is very easy to see how someone can be oriented as immature or mature. Just because someone is a grown up, does not mean that they are looking for a commitment and are ready to make one.  Sometimes it just isn’t what they are looking for at the time, and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense with the specific person. However, the way that the topic is handled can easily identify whether someone is immature or mature. When the topic is brought up, a mature individual will be straightforward with their intentions and will speak their feelings and thoughts. In contrast, an immature indiviudal will often mask their true meanings or simply flee. Either they will be scared off and attempt to escape from the relationship or from the conversation, or they will answer in a non-specific way that doesn’t really answer the question.  Immature individuals are also much more likely to give a non-definitive answer and to try and bypass the question. Whereas mature individuals tend to be straightforward and think about the topic, immature individuals may hide their true intentions and feelings. Commitment is a future-based decision that often counters childlike selfishness. As stated previously, immature individuals have a higher focus on their own happiness and thus often avoid future-based decisions and focus on enhancing their own happiness in the present.

Although these four differences do not always come together, they are each in their own way a strong indicator when deducing whether one is dating some immature or mature. There are many other factors that help to differentiate these two groups, and it is important to not just pinpoint these reasons as sole differentiators. It is important to seek out someone with a like mindset to your own. For those people who may still be immature themselves, it is advisable to seek out somebody who mirrors your needs and wants. If you are looking for an adult relationship and see yourself in this mindset, it is important to find someone who you can designate as a mature individual and who values your happiness as much if not more as their own.

Comment below with your thoughts on dating an immature vs. a mature individual.

The Circle of Complacency: Why Dating is Disappearing

Chivalry vs. Hookup Culture

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The concept of chivalry is one that people used to abide by, one that was commonplace, and one that was treated almost as the ordinary. In today’s day and age, chivalry seems to be swept under the rug. It has been replaced by a fast paced hookup culture that ignores traditional dating customs and instead puts importance on quickly getting into the bedroom. Guys no longer do the small things that traditional dating once dictated was necessary. Why do guys no longer do these things? The simple answer is they don’t have to.

It’s not like every college age kid today is simply looking for a hook up. There are many people of both sexes who seek relationships and romance, but it has become more and more difficult to find. In the hookup culture of today, guys and girls alike often opt to go for what seems easiest and quickest.

Guys and girls are both accountable for this newly created culture that puts such a strong emphasis on quick casual hookups and eliminates the need for chivalry and romance. As guys realize that they do not need to put in the same amount of effort that was once required in order to woo a girl, they simply do not try as hard.  This culture has allowed them to put in minimal effort and still get the outcome that they were searching for.

Dating apps have also contributed to this trend as phone applications such as Tinder and OkCupid have allowed for people to hide behind a screen while attempting to solicit a response from the opposite gender. As chivalry becomes less commonplace and this nontraditional hookup cultures takes prevalence, a chain reaction of minimal effort has arisen, creating a system that I like to call the “Circle of Complacency.”

The Circle of Complacency

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The Circle of Complacency is simply this: When girls who are actively seeking romance accept that guys are not going to put in the proper time and effort in getting to know them, they fall complacent in letting them get away with skipping the romance and chivalry and just going straight into a hookup. Many guys and girls alike actively seek out real relationships, but as millions of people have come to know: romance isn’t easy.

Developing a relationship and going on proper dates can be challenging and can lead to heartbreak and rejection. Rather than allowing themselves to get hurt and really go for what they want, both guys and girls have succumbed to taking the easy route and giving in to the hookup culture. Girls are tired of waiting for guys to treat them right and therefore lower their expectations of what guys should do on dates or in a social setting.  They still want the romance and the chivalry, but they no longer expect it. This in turn creates a circular reaction in which guys then further believe that they can get away with doing things in those ways. As a result, guys fall into the circle where they believe even more that this is an acceptable way of dating.

Girls allowing guys to get away with this type of behavior helps to reinforce the idea that this is acceptable, thus further decreasing the amount and commonality of chivalry within our society. Guys have let the notion of romance fall away and have resorted to an easier method which does not require as much effort. By taking the easy way out, they may be able to protect themselves from rejection and pain, but they also further contribute to a breaking down of traditional dating methods.

How to Avoid

dating

Here are a few rules for both guys and girls who are looking to avoid being sucked into the Circle.

Girls:

  1. If a guy isn’t willing to show you respect, he’s not worth your time
  2. Avoid dating apps such as Tinder and OkCupid. These apps can have a dangerous downside.
  3. Attempt to meet people in more conventional settings such as coffee shops or museums.
  4. Don’t settle for something just because it’s easier.
  5. Try to plan dates outside of the home/apartment. This encourages conversation and connection and decreases the assumption of hooking up.

Guys:

  1. Do the things that used to be commonplace: bring girls flowers, pick them up for dates, and take them to a nice dinner.
  2. Attempt to meet people via more conventional methods such as at museums, parks, or coffee shops.
  3. Seek out what you really want, rather than what is just simplest. Find someone who mirrors your interests and desires rather than just someone who happens to available.
  4. First dates should not be at someone’s place. This encourages quick hook-ups and decreases the need for romance.
  5. Avoid being physical before getting to know one another. It shows that you may only be interested in the physical rather than the emotional aspects of a relationship.

Romance will never be easy and effortless hookups will continue to have appeal, but for those looking to find what they really want it is imperative to avoid the Circle of Complacency.  Stick to what you believe in and follow these tips and you will have a much better chance of avoiding falling into the circle and finding the chivalrous and caring partner you seek.

Comment below with your thoughts on the circle of complacency in today’s dating world. 

4 Perks of Being Single in College

College is one of the best times of your life.  Whether you choose to date someone during the ride or not will not change that fact.  On the side of rolling solo let’s cover 4 important perks of being single in college.

1. More Time
Don’t want to choose between a lunch date and studying? You don’t have to! Want to spend the entire night finishing that book you just can’t put down? Or every season of Breaking Bad on Netflix? Or your entire board of recipes on Pinterest? Go ahead. Do it. All of it.

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2. More Comfort
Ladies, don’t be afraid to go on a shaving hiatus until spring. Do you understand how much time this will save? While you’re at it, wear literally whatever you want without having a somewhat significant other pester you on your appearance. “Really? You’re wearing that?”

3. More Freedom
Hang out with anyone you want. Talk to anyone you want. Flirt with anyone you want. Dance with anyone you want. This is the perfect time to meet different kinds of people and figure out what kind of people you like spending time with.

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4. Find yourself
I left the most important one for last: figure out who you are. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a relationship and become “John Smith’s Girlfriend” or “Jane Doe’s Boyfriend” and forget who you are. The most important perk of being single is to learn how to be completely self-reliant and comfortable with being exactly who you are by yourself without having to define yourself or determine your worth based on your significant other.

What are some of the perks of being single to you? Tell us in the comments below!