The Circle of Complacency: Why Dating is Disappearing

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Chivalry vs. Hookup Culture

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The concept of chivalry is one that people used to abide by, one that was commonplace, and one that was treated almost as the ordinary. In today’s day and age, chivalry seems to be swept under the rug. It has been replaced by a fast paced hookup culture that ignores traditional dating customs and instead puts importance on quickly getting into the bedroom. Guys no longer do the small things that traditional dating once dictated was necessary. Why do guys no longer do these things? The simple answer is they don’t have to.

It’s not like every college age kid today is simply looking for a hook up. There are many people of both sexes who seek relationships and romance, but it has become more and more difficult to find. In the hookup culture of today, guys and girls alike often opt to go for what seems easiest and quickest.

Guys and girls are both accountable for this newly created culture that puts such a strong emphasis on quick casual hookups and eliminates the need for chivalry and romance. As guys realize that they do not need to put in the same amount of effort that was once required in order to woo a girl, they simply do not try as hard.  This culture has allowed them to put in minimal effort and still get the outcome that they were searching for.

Dating apps have also contributed to this trend as phone applications such as Tinder and OkCupid have allowed for people to hide behind a screen while attempting to solicit a response from the opposite gender. As chivalry becomes less commonplace and this nontraditional hookup cultures takes prevalence, a chain reaction of minimal effort has arisen, creating a system that I like to call the “Circle of Complacency.”

The Circle of Complacency

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The Circle of Complacency is simply this: When girls who are actively seeking romance accept that guys are not going to put in the proper time and effort in getting to know them, they fall complacent in letting them get away with skipping the romance and chivalry and just going straight into a hookup. Many guys and girls alike actively seek out real relationships, but as millions of people have come to know: romance isn’t easy.

Developing a relationship and going on proper dates can be challenging and can lead to heartbreak and rejection. Rather than allowing themselves to get hurt and really go for what they want, both guys and girls have succumbed to taking the easy route and giving in to the hookup culture. Girls are tired of waiting for guys to treat them right and therefore lower their expectations of what guys should do on dates or in a social setting.  They still want the romance and the chivalry, but they no longer expect it. This in turn creates a circular reaction in which guys then further believe that they can get away with doing things in those ways. As a result, guys fall into the circle where they believe even more that this is an acceptable way of dating.

Girls allowing guys to get away with this type of behavior helps to reinforce the idea that this is acceptable, thus further decreasing the amount and commonality of chivalry within our society. Guys have let the notion of romance fall away and have resorted to an easier method which does not require as much effort. By taking the easy way out, they may be able to protect themselves from rejection and pain, but they also further contribute to a breaking down of traditional dating methods.

How to Avoid

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Here are a few rules for both guys and girls who are looking to avoid being sucked into the Circle.

Girls:

  1. If a guy isn’t willing to show you respect, he’s not worth your time
  2. Avoid dating apps such as Tinder and OkCupid. These apps can have a dangerous downside.
  3. Attempt to meet people in more conventional settings such as coffee shops or museums.
  4. Don’t settle for something just because it’s easier.
  5. Try to plan dates outside of the home/apartment. This encourages conversation and connection and decreases the assumption of hooking up.

Guys:

  1. Do the things that used to be commonplace: bring girls flowers, pick them up for dates, and take them to a nice dinner.
  2. Attempt to meet people via more conventional methods such as at museums, parks, or coffee shops.
  3. Seek out what you really want, rather than what is just simplest. Find someone who mirrors your interests and desires rather than just someone who happens to available.
  4. First dates should not be at someone’s place. This encourages quick hook-ups and decreases the need for romance.
  5. Avoid being physical before getting to know one another. It shows that you may only be interested in the physical rather than the emotional aspects of a relationship.

Romance will never be easy and effortless hookups will continue to have appeal, but for those looking to find what they really want it is imperative to avoid the Circle of Complacency.  Stick to what you believe in and follow these tips and you will have a much better chance of avoiding falling into the circle and finding the chivalrous and caring partner you seek.

Comment below with your thoughts on the circle of complacency in today’s dating world. 

Neon Accessories. 3 Looks to Love.

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One of the best recent fashion trends has been bringing back neon. When added subtly to your outfit neon accessories are the perfect summer pop of color. However, overdoing them can really cheapen your outfit.  Let’s go over 3 ways to tastefully rock neon this summer.

1. The Neon Bag with a Neutral Colored Outfit

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The neon bag with a neutral colored outfit gives your outfit an edge without going overboard. Try adding your neon bag to an all white, black or nude outfit to get the most pop.

Neon Accessories 2

This Shield Lock Purse is $325 on Aspinal of London.

Get the look for under $35…

Neon Accessories 3

This Dasein Fold-over Quilted Patent Clutch is $28.79 on Overstock.com.

2. The Neon Heel with a Cropped Pant

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Another simple outfit turned spunky. Try a cropped jean with your favorite neon. You will be sure to turn heads.

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These Christian Louboutin So Kate Pumps are $695 from Barneys NewYork.

Get the look for under $35…

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These Neon Patent D’Orasay Pumps are $30.99 at Charlotte Russe.

3. The Chunky Neon Necklace with a Strapless Solid Dress

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This bold neon accessory is a great look for summer cookouts or vacations. Pair a solid neon or multicolored neon chunky necklace with a strapless solid dress.

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 This Kate Spade New York Gold-Tone Epoxy Stone Necklace is $98.00 at Macy’s.

Get the look for under $35…

neon accessories 9This Neon radiance statement necklace is $19.95 on Etsy.

You will be sure to shine bright this summer when you incorporate these neon accessories into your wardrobe.  Remember, less is more when it comes to neon so try incorporating just one or two accessories at one time.

Which neon accessory will you try out first? Comment below!

-xoxo- 

Books To Read In 2015

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We know you’re busy writing essays, taking final exams and dreaming about summer break but if you get a craving for a good book, check out some of these popular titles that you need to read in 2015!

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Paper Towns by John Green

Written by popular young adult author John Green, Paper Towns is the story of Quentin who has loved Margo since elementary school. Unfortunately, Margo has ignored Quentin for the majority of their high school years. That is, until she shows up at his window just weeks before their high school graduation and they spend the entire night together pulling off a series of revenge-fueled pranks. Margo disappears the next day and Quentin, along with his two best friends, are determined to follow the clues Margo left behind.

While the book Paper Towns was first published in 2009, it tops our list of Books You Have to Read in 2015 because Paper Towns is coming to the big screen soon! Paper Towns is coming to theaters July 24th, 2015! Watch the trailer here.

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All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Described as “hauntingly beautiful” by The New York Times and recipient of the Pulitzer Prize, All The Light We Cannot See tells the story of a blind French girl and an orphaned German boy whose paths cross in occupied France during World War II. Werner, the young boy, is incredibly gifted at mathematics and earns himself a spot at an elite Nazi training school. Marie-Laure, blinded at the age of six, has fled from Paris with her father and a highly sought after sapphire from the Museum of Natural History in tow. The story that Anthony Doerr has created is far too complex to explain in a few short sentences so to find out the fates of Werner and Marie-Laure you are going to have to read this book for yourself!

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Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee

Critics are buzzing about Go Set A Watchman, Harper Lee’s earliest known work. Believed to have been lost, the manuscript for Go Set A Watchman was re-discovered in late 2014. The story follows up with many of the original characters from Harper Lee’s well-known classic To Kill A Mockingbird 20 years after the story ends. Go Set A Watchman is scheduled to be released on July 14th, 2015.

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The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

If you loved Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, you will love this book! This psychological thriller follows our main character Rachel as she rides the commuter train each and every day into London, even after she is fired from her job. Through the train window, Rachel sees the same houses and the same people in their yards every day and begins to feel like she actually knows them. She gives the people names and imagines what their jobs and lives are like. While looking out the window one day, Rachel thinks that she sees something happen to the girl she has named “Jess”. When news stories about a missing girl named Megan (who turns out to be “Jess”) start surfacing Rachel decides to tell the police everything she has seen from the train window. Did I mention that Rachel is drunk for most of this book? That puts an interesting spin on things when an unreliable drunk shows up at the police station with information on Megan’s disappearance. The twists and turns of this story keep you guessing not only “Who did it?” but “What actually happened?” right up to the last page.

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The Residence: Inside the Private World of The White House by Kate Andersen Brower

Being the President of the United States is a tough and very public job, but what do we really know about the on-goings of the first family when the cameras are off and the world isn’t watching? In this 2015 release, we hear from employees at the White House that have been there day in and day out through ten different administrations over a span of fifty years. Written after hundreds of hours of interviews with butlers, chefs, florists, maids and other White House staffers, we catch an inside glimpse of what life was really like at the White House from the Kennedy Administration, through the days of Nixon and Reagan and the scandal-filled Clinton years, all the way up to the current first family, the Obama’s.

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Very Good Lives by J.K. Rowling

Bestselling author J.K. Rowling, best known for her Harry Potter series, gave a very moving speech during commencement at Harvard University in 2008. Now available in written form, this speech doles out words of wisdom for anyone who has come to a crossroads in their life. The perfect graduation gift or perfect for when you need a boost of inspiration and motivation, Very Good Lives does not disappoint. Proceeds from the book will be donated to J.K. Rowling’s foundation Lumos, which focuses on ending the institutionalization of children worldwide. Find more information on Lumos here.

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Redeployment by Phil Klay

Redeployment, winner of the 2014 National Book Award, describes the unseen lives of an American soldier on the frontlines. Author Phil Klay is a U.S. Marine Corps veteran and uses his experience in Iraq to tell a story that civilians cannot even begin to imagine as truth. This book is sure to leave you with an undying gratitude for those fighting overseas as well as a new found outlook on exactly what it takes to fight for your country.

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An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

Readers have been patiently waiting for this debut fantasy novel from author Sabaa Tahir to be released and the wait is finally over! This novel, just released on April 28th, has been described by early reviewers as having “the addictive quality of The Hunger Games, the fantasy of Harry Potter and the brutality of Game of Thrones.” We can’t wait to get our hands on this one!

What books are on your list to read this year? Let us know in the comments!

How to Hack Your College Essays

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How to Hack Your College Essays

If you are a great writer, essays might not be much of a problem. However, if you’re more of a “math or science person,” the countless essays required by your college can turn into a nightmare. Fortunately, there’s an easy way to write an A-quality essay in 1/3rd the time, even if you don’t consider yourself a talented writer. I spent years developing this process during my English Major at Columbia, and I have spent the last decade teaching it to hundreds of my students. Just follow the steps below and you’ll never worry about your college essays again.

4-22 College Essays

1. Treat each class session like a spy.

Whenever you sit in class, you should have one goal: make a note of every single quote, fact, and article that your teacher mentions during class. Make a huge collection of these – they’ll come in very handy later on.

2. Evidence first, thesis later.

Most students come up with their thesis, then try to find the evidence to support it. As a result, they spend a ridiculous amount of time doing research for their papers. Often, even after hours of searching, the evidence they find only slightly supports their thesis. If you want to save enormous amounts of time, try the following instead:

A. Lay out all of your notes and citations that you have collected from your teacher.

If you have been collecting them during class, you should have a nice pile.

B. Read all of them, and find out something that most of them have in common.

Whatever theme they all share, that’s what you should be writing about.

C. Craft a thesis that most of them loosely prove.

If a bunch of the evidence you have collected proves a certain point, then that point should be your thesis!

If you already have a bunch of evidence that your teacher has given you, and if you can come up with some sort of point that most of it proves, then you have already done your research! You can just use the evidence in front of you to reverse engineer a thesis that has already been proven! No further work is necessary.

3. Write your paper with one piece of evidence per paragraph, two paragraphs per page, and reverse engineer your topic sentences based on the evidence you’re already using.

If you need to write 8 pages, you need about 16 paragraphs – one opening, one closing, and 14 body paragraphs. This means you’ll need 14 pieces of evidence.

Fortunately, writing these paragraphs will be insanely easy because you already have the evidence to prove them. So if you have a Bill Clinton quote that says, “candy is delicious” – then your topic sentence can just be, “Many eminent politicians believe that sweets taste good.” Warm up a bit, provide some filler, and then use the Bill Clinton quote to support your topic sentence and drive it home!

If you “reverse engineer” your essays this way, the entire process becomes incredibly easy. You don’t need to figure out what to say, and you don’t need to find the evidence to prove it – both are already done for you. All you need to do is pay attention in class!

Give this method a try and see how it works – it might just save your life!

Anthony-James Green is world-renowned SAT and ACT tutor with over 10,000 hours of experience teaching these tests, crafting curriculum, and training other tutors to teach their own students. He is also the founder of TestPrepAuthority.com. CNN recently named Anthony: “The SAT tutor to the 1%

The ONLY 3 Playlists You Need to Get Through College

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The ONLY 3 Playlists You Need to Get Through College

If you’re like me, then you have got about 17 playlists on your music listening device- and half of them are labeled ‘New Playlist.’ But keeping your life organized in college helps you get through- so keep your music organized too!

Separate your music into these three categories and you’ll be set!

THE STUDY PLAYLIST

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This should be the calmer music, the movie-no-words-soundtrack music, the classics and the jazz. This should be the music that helps you focus and helps you tune everything else out. Don’t put on anything that will make you start dancing and forget your homework. 

THE SHOWER PLAYLIST

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Music you can jam to while your showering in the morning (or evening) that you don’t care if the entire floor hears. Take off all the embarrassing stuff you added as a kid (or teen). For example, if you don’t want the entire floor to know you still listen to Justin Bieber or are still jamming to “Let it Go” then keep that for the last playlist. 

THE GUILTY PLEASURE PLAYLIST

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Keep all your fun music here. All your favorites. The songs you’ll listen to when you’re cleaning your room, or walking to class, or need fun dance party music. Listen to this to pump yourself up for an exam or to get over a bad grade (or breakup).

And most importantly, enjoy that music!!!

Need some tips on making a playlist? How to Make a Music Playlist on iPhone and iPad